How I Got My Agent

When I was querying over the years, I’d run across this kind of blog post and if I wasn’t too dejected from the rejections in my inbox (::sob laugh::), I would read them. They always made me glad for the person writing them and would fill me with something that can be hard to find when you’re querying — hope. I don’t know if this will bring anyone that, but maybe. It’s worth putting it up just in case. If nothing else, maybe you’ll laugh a little.

But I suppose before I begin, I need to back up a bit. And fair warning, this is long. Really long.

My querying “journey” began back in 2006 or 2007— yes, you read that right. Chick lit was big then, and my first novel was one I wrote just to sort of prove to myself I could, a quirky story about a girl looking for love. I’d always loved reading but after a particularly disappointing book made me want to chuck it across the room, I thought, I could write something better than that! (I mean, I was wrong. I had the best time writing it. But it wasn’t very good. Still, I WROTE A NOVEL). And that’s when I started querying. Except, I did pretty much every wrong thing you could think of. Back then snail mail queries were still common, and so I printed off my entire manuscript (oh God), slapped on a “Dear editor” and sent it off, unsolicited, to big publishers and a few literary agents. I still have my form rejection letters from Random House to name just one. Cringe.

So, I shelved that. I wrote the next thing, though it took me many years, words jotted down during my first child’s naps and only when I felt emotionally capable of it, given the heavy nature of the story. I learned more about queries and properly researched literary agents. It was a lot of form rejections at first, then finally helpful critique, then after I revised it again and again, the full requests poured in. Towards the end— once I had sent out some 200+ queries— the rejections were along the lines of “I loved your writing but this isn’t quite right for me” or “I didn’t fall in love the way that I’d hoped but please send me your next manuscript” and so I sent out two final queries— to small presses. And the first on my list made me an offer. I was going to be published!

I’ll keep it brief— just as my stint with that publisher was. My first published novel is now out of print, the press closing not long after it was published. I don’t regret the experience but neither does it feel like mine— it seems as though that story belonged to a different version of me— when I still didn’t know who I was as a person, let alone as a writer. It’s not that I’m not still proud of that little book and my perseverance, but it doesn’t feel like mine anymore. And even as I got the news that it was going to be un-published, I only looked forward. Next manuscript. New plan. At that point I knew I wanted to write stories with magic— the kind of stories I had grown up loving.

So, I wrote and queried my third novel. My fourth. I self-published a couple books along the way— short stories and poetry. I kept writing and learning and yes, crying.

In summer of 2018 I took Tomi Adeyemi’s Plot Course and an idea that had been rattling around in my brain came alive. I set a ridiculous deadline of six weeks, so that I could participate in a Twitter pitch event. And I wrote a fairytale retelling, furiously, frenzied. I curved my spine and bent my head over the keyboard and I gave myself carpal tunnel from the typing— sometimes more than 5,000 words a day. It was not healthy, not the sort of schedule I’d advise anyone. I had meals at my desk and I missed out on family time and my kids— three by now— ate a LOT of boxed mac & cheese. Not only did I draft that story, I also revised it twice over, ending at 90,000 words in just a day or two shy of six weeks. I sent that story, then titled A DANCE OF BLOOD & BEAUTY, into the world. I didn’t get any pitch likes, but my ego wasn’t hurt (my wrists on the other hand….). I started querying and the requests rolled in. I knew from the beginning of writing it, this was the one I’d get an agent with. I was right. I ended up querying 31 agents, I believe. Two made me an offer, and I signed with one at the end of November, 2018.

But???? Things don’t always go the way you plan. I went on submission in 2019. Despite positive feedback, my story did not sell before we decided to finally pull it to focus instead on the new— better— story I was writing at the time. I was discouraged and a little heartbroken. Publishing is really hush-hush about submission. I was told not to even tell anyone I was on submission. And so I couldn’t tell people that I was now NOT on submission. It was a quiet disappointment, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it keenly. But still, I was very excited about the next thing. I felt like even if my last story didn’t sell, this would. Wouldn’t it? Onward I went, for most of the shitshow of 2020, writing and revising and revising and revising again. Also more crying. It was not my best year, but then again, I think many people could say that. There was a point where I honestly thought about giving up writing forever. What was the point, if nobody would ever read my work? I didn’t write only for myself. I wanted—needed— to share these stories. I wanted to give them.

And now, where does that bring this story? I suppose I’ll jump ahead a little now, because in early January 2021 I was sitting at my computer when an email came in— informing me my agent had left the business— and I was on my own.

So, I suppose this should be more aptly titled, “How I Got My (Second) Agent” only I didn’t want to just skip over all that backstory. It’s important. Because this wasn’t easy. The writing was (sometimes easy, and I loved it to death), but the rest? It was discouraging and disheartening and often embarrassing (“You’re STILL trying to be an author???”). And now? Now I had to tell everyone I had no agent. I had to start over querying. And to be honest, I’d forgotten (or blocked out) how shitty it could be. How even when you start with a story you love & believe in, getting no after no after no chips away at your confidence. At your resolve. How as well-meaning as people cheering you on “don’t give up!” can be, it can also make you want to kick a hole through your Query Tracker screen (no shade to Query Tracker— I could not have done this without that). The good news was this was the best possible scenario. I had a polished manuscript I’d revised over & over with a truly editorial agent. I was free & clear to start querying. And I had a fire lit under me. January 6 or 7th, I sent my first queries for STARLINGS.

I noticed a clear difference as the weeks went on, from all the other times I’d queried before. The query landscape was quite different post-2020. Time guidelines on websites were way off. Sometimes it took three times as long to hear back— if I heard at all. Agents were understandably swamped, burned out, tired. The waiting was excruciating. I kept busy, working on a new story, and watching too much Netflix. Obsessing over agent lists. Refreshing my inbox. Sometimes I got no news. Sometimes bad news. But sometimes? It was good. It encouraged me. The feedback kept me going, and so did the requests. Somewhere along the way I also won a query critique from Tiffany White which was really helpful. You’d think after querying 709 manuscripts— give or take a few hundred— I’d have gotten it down perfect, but another set of eyes is always a good thing.

I don’t know if stats really help. But some people seem curious about it. I queried 77 agents. I believe I had 18 full requests.

On the very last day of August, 2021, I got an email from an agent who was enthusiastic— she’d only read the first fifty pages but she couldn’t put it down. She wanted to call me and talk. My hands were shaking as I replied, and we set up a time. I made a list of questions, I squealed with my CPs. On September 3rd she made the offer. I had a couple weeks to let the other agents considering it know. But in mid-September, I accepted the original offer, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I was impressed with her enthusiasm, her communciation, and her confidence that we could sell my story. I am thrilled to share I’m now represented by Juliana McBride of Rebecca Friedman Agency.

And I guess I’ll need to write a second blog post— How I Sold My Book— because we did just that not long after!

STARLINGS will be out in summer 2023 from Delacorte Press (Penguin Random House) and I still cannot believe it. After all those years and time and tears and steps backwards and leaps backwards. It finally, truly happened!!! I’m so thankful.

But first, I just want to celebrate that first big leap forward—- getting an amazing agent who believed in my story. I honestly could not have done it without the following: Belgian stubborness, ice cream, fantastic critique partners & beta readers, books that inspired me, Query tracker, Manuscript Wish List & Twitter #MSWL, and honestly, the mistakes I made along the way which helped me grow and learn.

If you made it this far, you deserve a cookie or something. Thank you for reading.

If you’re currently querying, I am sending you ALL THE GOOD NEWS. This isn’t a path for the faint of heart. You have courage in spades, and I believe you’ll get to where you want to be, even if the path is not linear, even if it’s rocky, even if it’s a lot longer than you’d like. If I have any advice to offer it’s to be gentle with yourself. To lean on friends who are supportive. To write the stories that you love and escape into other books when you can’t write. To know that your worth is not determined by how many YESes (that word just looks so wrong??) you get, or how many requests. That your story DOES matter and you do, too. That trends change and your own voice will get stronger the more you keep at it. And to not forget that a lot of this is business is simply longevity— how long can you hold out, how long can you keep trying? There’s also luck & privilege & timing at play. And, I believe, destiny. So many things are out of your control. I don’t say that to discourage anyone, but the opposite. You have to let the writing itself be the most important thing and not get bogged down in the rest, as hard as that can be at times. Write the best story you can at the time, the one which excites you the most. And then do it again, and again if you have to. Even though my other stories weren’t picked up or sold or published (yet), I don’t regret writing a single one. You deserve to find joy along this sometimes-brutal undertaking, and you deserve rest, too. The stories will be waiting if you need a break. Your creativity does not have a time limit. I worried too much about HOW LONG things were taking and how goddamn OLD I would be when/if they finally did. I’ll be 40 when STARLINGS is released, and SO WHAT?!!! There’s also a lot to be said about taking time to research legitimate agents and trusting your gut and I could go on and on. But at this point I feel like I should be paying YOU to read this mess. So, I’ll leave it here.

Thank you again <3 and best of luck (and everything else) to you.